Last night I had a dream that my mom had not died in 2011. She was alive and well and had to pretend that she died.

When I was growing up, my mom had the longest hair in town. I know this because we lived in a small town. Her hair was so long that it got caught between her heel and her shoe when she wore heels.


My mom had breast cancer in her 30s and was in remission until they found it again at the age of 50. But by that time it was stage 4. I won’t go into any of those details, but she eventually lost her hair and when it grew back it was curly. She would laugh and say that all her life she wanted curly hair, and that her long hair was so straight it would never hold a curl. Then she would say, “God finally gave me curly hair”. My mom could find the good in anything even if it were something as small as curls while she was fighting for her life.

Anyway, in the dream, I was about 7 or 8, and my brother was a year older than me and my sister was younger.  (Our youngest sibling was not in this dream) But my mom had her long hair, pulled back in a low pony tail. She wore a light blue ribbed sweater top similar to the one in the picture above and jeans I think but they were light blue. I was at one table, and my siblings were at another. She came in and hugged us, all three of us at once. It was very emotional.

We were eating ice cream and I remember seeing my dad come into the room.

Since my mom passed away, my dad has moved on in his life and met someone. He seems happy so we (me and my siblings) are happy for him.

In the dream, he was glad to see my mom but I could see his friend off in the background patiently waiting for him.

I remember then being in a room and there was a huge spider on the floor crawling towards me and I began screaming. My dad was sitting in a chair in the next room, my mom was across from him crocheting and my siblings were at her feet. I think I was at her feet as well but then went to the room.

Our dad has always been very hard on us especially when we were little. Our mom was our safe haven.

After screaming because of the spider, my dad got up like he was trying to be present in our lives, and trying to act concerned. He killed the spider and sat down. My mom could see that he was being artificial and didn’t really care to be there. She didn’t pay any attention to him, she was concerned with our well being. I don’t think my dad was happy, I remember him leaving the room to continue with his life away from us all.

My mom and us were so happy, we hugged again and again, we knew she loved us.

I woke up crying. My husband came into the room and I told him my dream. He hugged me and let me cry as hard as I wanted because I knew my dream was just a dream and she was really gone. He held me until I felt good enough to let him go.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: